After several years of battling the recession it was such a nice breath of fresh air to see money being exchanged once again. So who do we have to thank for this Christmas miracle? Why none other then the greatest patriot of them all, Santa Clause! So as I stood there in that line I got to wondering, what is Santa's political affiliation? Because aren't these the things that everyone thinks about when standing in line at Walmart?
Well, let's look at the evidence.
- Santa requires good behavior in order to get a reward. Rank discrimination at its most blatant. Everybody knows that favoring some kids over others based on their performance is damaging to their self esteem. Every child should get a present regardless of their behavior.
- Santa gives to kids both rich and poorThe rich don't need Santa as much as the poor, but he refuses to level the playing field.
- Santa contributes to global warming.Coal in stockings? Not to mention the tremendous number of reindeer farts emitted on a 24 hour circumnavigation of the planet.
- Santa exploits minoritiesElves? How many of them have you seen?
- Santa runs a sweatshop.Ever heard of a toymaker's union at the North Pole? Nope. And as long as he's in charge, you won't. Hey, he's delivering these toys for free, which means he has to keep his labor costs extremely low
- Santa exploits animals Reindeer are not meant to fly, and are certainly not meant to fly all the way around the world, stopping a couple of billion times, and all in 24 hours. From anatomical studies of reindeer, it is obvious that he must be doping these animals with performance enhancing drugs.
- Santa fails to accommodate those with disabilities The Island of Misfit Toys ring a bell? Misfit is such a pejorative term, yet Santa condemned toys he deemed as unusable to a miserable existence on an icy island, denied the simple opportunities to prosper to the best of their abilities. It took the threat of a complete labor stoppage to get his grudging permission to allow these toys to go to children who would love them. An investigation should be launched to determine whether these toys of lesser value were distributed equitably, or if the race or economic status of the children played a role in the toys they were given.
- Santa encourages bullying. When the other reindeer laughed at Rudolph and called him names, you didn't see Santa step in and make them include Rudolph in the reindeer games. Nope, he just went back to watching Fox News and muttered something about survival of the fittest.
- Santa is a religious hypocriteWhile claiming to be connected to Christianity based on a dubious similarity between his name and the name of the Catholic patron saint of thieves, he routinely engages in immoral and often illegal behavior, or do you think watching millions of children in their beds is a healthy activity for a grown man?
Seems pretty clear. An authoritarian autocrat who exploits the environment, animals and workers, and who imposes an arbitrary code of behavior on children while refusing to recognize any law that inconveniences him.
Santa is a Republican.
On the other hand:
- Santa pays no taxes Certainly a hallmark of Democrat appointees.
- Santa is an unelected and unaccountable authority figure.Who appointed Santa as the arbiter of naughty and nice? What standard is he using to judge? Are his decisions subject to any sort of review or appeal, or is he judge, jury, and executioner all in one?
- Santa is an illegal immigrantHe crosses global boundaries without any paperwork or authorization, scoffing at all national borders.
- Santa intrudes onto private property.He circumvents all security systems and disregards any and all postings, often resorting to non traditional means of entry in order to gain access to private dwelling spaces.
- Santa maintains a list of private activities on all children that makes the old KGB look like amateurs. His information tracking, recording, and interpreting systems are the envy of Homeland Security and operate with the ruthless efficiency of the IRS.
- Santa is above the lawReckless driving, child endangerment, breaking and entering, bribery, etc. The law doesn't apply to Santa. In his view, the ends justify the means and if there are rules or regulations that get in the way, he ignores them. They are there for the little people, not him.
- Santa speaks much but says little."Ho, ho, ho" warms the heart, but there's no substance to it, nothing real you can take away from it. The glow fades quickly and you're left wondering exactly what you were feeling good about.
- Santa is multicultural.Instead of maintaining his own identity, he changes his name, appearance, dress and behavior to fit in with whatever country he is in at the time. Rather than building tolerance for difference, and remaining true to himself, he celebrates diversity by assimilating.
- Santa is an elitist. When was the last time you saw him at Walmart? Nope, he only appears in the parades of upscale, fashionable stores like Macys.
So, an unelected, elitist, globalist scofflaw who engages in detailed surveillance on all the world's children and uses that information to extort his version of good behavior from them.
Sounds like a Democrat to me.
What do y'all think?