Shots Across the Bow

Fair enough
DON'T ARGUE WITH CHILDREN

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human
because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it
was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

Perspective There was a terrible car accident on the freeway, and a young man lay pinned in the wreckage. Blood was pouring from dozens of deep cuts, one eye was swollen shut, and his breathing was labored as he fought to stay alive. As the rescue squad was working to free his broken body from the wreckage, the paramedics kept talking to him, trying to keep him alert.
"Don't worry, son, we'll have you out of there in no time," the paramedic said.
The young man moaned softly, but didn't respond.
Trying desperately to get the young man's atention, the paramedic began asking him questions, where did he live, where did he work, what football team did he like, but the young man didn't answer, just moaned quietly. Finally, the paramedic asked him "Are you married? We can notify your wife."
At this the young man looked at the paramedic with his good eye and said "Nope, I'm not married. This is the worst fix I've ever been in."

Life imitates Art You've seen those Visa check card commercials where the celebrity can't cash a check without an ID? Well here is a true story which is even funnier than the "6 degrees of Kevin Bacon" one, courtesy of Katie Allison Granju

On the other hand Remembr how all your teachers used to tell you that cussing was a sign of a weak vocabulary? Courtesy of Troy Kinnaird comes this gem from Ralph Waldo Emerson:

October 24, 1840

What a pity we cannot curse and swear in good society! Cannot the stinging dialect of the sailors be domesticated? It is the best rhetoric, and for a hundred occasions those forbidden words are the only good ones...

So true..

Understatement of the year contender A woman was accidentally set on fire while delivering her baby. Caroline Mackersey, general manager of communications for the Waitemata District Health Board had this to say:

It must have been extremely distressing. It's been extremely distressing for staff.

Distressing? You lit a woman on fire in the middle of delivering her baby and 'distressing' is the best you can come up with?

A real blue light special Attention K-Mart shoppers! You are all under arrest!

"We went to use the restroom at Kmart and to buy a Scrunchi (hair band), and when we came back to our car, cops were coming in (the parking lot) and they tied our hands," said Brandi Ratliff, 18, who said she was a straight-A student at Waller High School and never had any problems with the law.

Ratliff said that even though she and two friends told police they had just come out of the Kmart, all three were arrested and spent the night in jail.

"It was traumatic," said a tearful Ratliff on Sunday morning after her parents drove from Stafford to pay her $300 bail at the downtown city jail. "It was sick where they were holding us. A prostitute was fighting with another woman. The food they served was food you would serve to a dog, not a human."

Ratliff and her two friends, Kris Karsteter, 21, and Kyesa Scott, 18, all had pink marks on their wrists from where they said police had tied plastic handcuffs too tightly.

Maybe the cops suspected them of being in league with Martha Stewart?